Dramatis Personae
Christen: A man in his late twenties.
Molly: A woman in her twenties.
When Christen arrives, he wears sunglasses and a leather jacket. Has high hair. Pop star look (Though he’s clearly not one).
Voice: Molly’s reading voice.
Woman: A woman in her forties.
Kid: A seven or eight-year old boy.
Stewardess: A woman in her twenties.
Announcer: A woman in her twenties.
Christen: I love this shit.
Molly: Excuse me?
Christen: Flying. I love it.
Molly: Well, that’s good. As we’re on a plane.
Christen: Yeah, feel those engines… Can you feel them? The engines?
Molly: Hard not to.
Christen: And right now, they’re just idling. Pissing about. They haven’t even woken up really. When they get going…
Molly: It’s not my first time flying.
Christen: And you’ve never got the fear?
Molly: Not really.
Christen: Many have. Many wouldn’t admit it, but they have.
Molly: I’m not in that category.
Christen: (Shrugs)…Ok… Me either. I love the ride. The up and down especially. Nothing beats the up and down, right? The (gestures) up and down. (Smiles)
(Plane revs up for takeoff)
Christen: Woah, yeah. Feel it. Vrooooom. (One or two other guests look around curiously) Feel the powah!
(The plane takes off)
Christen: Woooh, yeah! (To Molly) Don’t forget to pop your ears. (Pops his ears).
(Pause)
The buildup of pressure can be dangerous… It’s been known to cause aneurysms. Pop (clicks fingers), a blood vessel bursts, and you’re done for.
Molly: …Isn’t that stroke?
Christen: Oh, that too. And deep vein thrombosis. The legs go. That’s permanent… Teeth have been known to crack due to hidden cavities. Not much you can do about that last one though.
(Pause)
D-d-d-danga!
(The plane levels out).
Christen: Ah, this is the boring bit. Much less to worry about all round. Much safer. …Relaxing. Do you find it relaxing?
Molly: (Meaningfully) Sometimes.
Christen: I do. Can never sleep though. For some reason. I’ve got a friend who says as soon as he gets in his seat on an airplane, he falls asleep. Just… out. Weird, right?
Molly: You could take a pill?
Christen: What?
Molly: To sleep.
Christen: Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to. Sleep. No. You’d miss out sleeping.
Molly: On what?
Christen: Oh, it could be anything. All sorts of things happen on planes.
(Pause)
All sorts.
Molly: Like what?
Christen: Oh, nothing.
Molly: (Stares at him)
(Child in nearby seat turns on noisy video game).
Christen: (Frowns) There’s a certain etiquette. Most people understand that… Unwritten rules… You can’t always rely on the staff… A lot of it is common sense.
(Pause)
What do you do? What’s your job?
Molly: I’m in marketing.
Christen: Oooh…
Molly: What?
Christen: Mark-et-ting. Oooh…
Molly: It’s just a job.
Christen: Yeah.
Molly: What do you do?
(Pause)
Christen: I help people.
Molly. You help people?… Professionally?
Christen: (Laughs) If you like.
Molly: (With some sarcasm) Do you teach them about planes?
Christen: (Considers) If necessary.
Molly: You look more pop star than psychologist.
Christen: I never said I was a psychologist.
(Pause)
You don’t need to be. I use these (points to eyes) and these (points to ears)… And then apply that knowledge… productively… helpfully.
Molly: …
Christen: People want to put a name on everything.
(Pause)
(Considers) Being next to someone on a plane is a bit like being in a lift with them… It has a similar feel… Don’t you think?
Molly: Maybe.
Christen: Lots of similarities. I prefer planes though.
Molly: I prefer lifts. (Meaningfully) They’re quicker.
Christen: (Misunderstanding) Oh no, planes are a lot quicker than lifts.
(Pause)
A friend of mine died on a plane.
Molly: Oh… What was… ?
Christen: That was an aneurysm. You know. (Clicks fingers) Pop. Gone.
Molly: Oh…
Christen: (Thoughtfully) I’ve never heard of that happening in a lift.
(Pause)
Are you an orange juice or a wine person?
Molly: What?
Christen: In the area of drinks?
Molly: You mean on a plane?
Christen: Yeah.
Molly: Coke, probably.
Christen: Ah, yeah… Of course… Coke… And coffee not tea, right?
Molly: Usually.
Christen: Meat over veg.
Molly: It depends… I do prefer meat, actually.
Christen: Eat the peanuts or just leave them there?
Molly: Eat.
Christen: Yeah, yes… Excuse me a moment. (Gets up. Takes bag with him.)
Molly: (Stares after him).
(Soon after)
Christen: (Returns. His jacket is missing, and he has a rather formal shirt on. He has damped his hair down and removed his glasses) Hello.
Molly: (Wondering why he’s saying hello again) Hello.
Christen: (Sounds subtly different) Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Christen. (Offers hand).
(They Shake)
Molly: (Cautiously) Molly.
Christen: Hello, Molly.
Molly: …
(Stewardess comes around with drinks. Molly and Christen put their trays down.)
Christen: Two Cokes.
Stewardess: Here you are.
Molly: (Looks at Coke.)
Christen: You’re in marketing, I heard
Molly: Yes, I told you earlier.
Christen: (Absently) Yes. I’m in sales.
Molly: I thought you said were a… that you helped people.
Christen: I do. My products are very good.
(Another stewardess puts peanuts on trays).
Christen: (Picks up Molly’s pack and gives them to her).
Molly: (Takes them and puts them back down) I’ll eat them later.
Christen: Don’t forget… (Opens his pack and starts to chew on peanuts). I had a friend in marketing.
(Pause)
He died on a plane. Aneurysm. Totally unexpected.
Molly: You told me about him.
Christen: Did I? Oh… Have any of your friends ever died on a plane?
Molly: No.
Christen: It’s unlikely. More likely than a shark attack… But less likely than a lot of other things. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Molly: I’m not.
Christen: He was under a lot of pressure. The job … Don’t you find… ?
Molly: I think I’ll read my book for a while.
Christen: Oh yes, you should.
Molly: (Takes out book).
You can let me know afterwards.
Molly: What?
Christen: What happens.
Molly: (Ignores him. Takes out book. Begins to read).
Voice: Whatever he did, he did always with some vile element of grace.
Christen: (Delicately devours peanuts).
Voice: There was nothing redeeming in his polite and beautiful movements, nothing more admirable than the sliding of a snake through the undergrowth. Even in his effervescent smile there was always a trace of that still, calculating movement of mind that had commandeered his life and from which no liberality of spirit could hope to escape.
Christen: (Smiles. Continues to delicately consume peanuts).
Voice: He was trapped, it seemed, in that bounty of rationality that gifted itself to men of a higher calling, unburdening them of the messy business of being human. Humanity was the babbling, meandering herd, not him. He had a greater plan; and though he sensed it only in vague outline, it was written in his bones and painted in the shifting circles of his cynical eyes.
Christen: (Rubs his eyes).
Voice: When he deigned to speak, he tempered his arrogance to the extent his sensitivities extended to self-preservation, and he did so always in the resentful knowledge of having given something away. These silent struggles took their toll on his temper…
Christen: (Looks at noisy child) Noisy fucking bastard.
Voice: But this would pass and his destiny would float before his eyes once more, still hazy and indistinct but with the glow of the sun in it, bright and white, and he would sit transfixed, resolved to wait for the moment when it would emerge and draw him to its warmth.
Christen: (Sits placidly).
(The airplane shakes violently).
Molly: (Puts her book down).
Announcer: We are experiencing some turbulence. Please return to your seats and remain seated until the fasten seat belt sign is turned off.
(Airplane shudders again).
Christen: (Nonchalantly) There’s no imminent danger.
Molly: I know.
Christen: We’re probably on the edge of a slipstream.
(Airplane violently shudders)
Christen: Pilots follow them because they help save fuel. Streams of air whipping along at hundreds of miles an hour. Great when they’re going in your direction. Hit the edge though and you’ve got a variable flow speed. Fast and slow air meet over the plane. If it weren’t for how well-engineered these things are, that’d be enough to rip the cabin open like a tent in a hurricane. But they’re solid. It would take a bomb to tear this thing up.
(Pause)
Marketing, eh? What do you market?
Molly: I work for an ad agency. What do you sell?
Christen: A great product. It sells itself really.
(Pause)
I’ve been told I could sell fridges to Eskimos. But I don’t need to. My talent would be wasted… I could sell anything you market. Give me an example. I’ll tell you how to sell it.
Molly: (Frowns) I’m working on a campaign for a publisher. We’re marketing a novel that’s…
Christen: Not a hope. Obsolete. Nobody reads anymore.
Molly: …
Christen: Now this new product I have coming through. It will take some positioning. The public might not be ready for it. That’ll be a challenge. But it’s doable. With the right combination. (Points to her and then to him) Marketing and sales.
Molly: (Just stares).
Christen: You’re stuck with a lemon of a product and I need a bigger challenge. This might work.
Molly: What might work?
Christen: (Gets up) Excuse me a moment.
Molly: Stares after him.
Woman: Clayton… Claaayton… (Turns to Molly) My son. Did you see him? He was just there.
Molly: Looks around. (Noisy boy is missing) No. Sorry.
Woman: (Goes to air hostess). Excuse me. (They huddle).
(Airplane shudders)
Announcer: We are experiencing continued turbulence. Please return to your seats and remain seated until the fasten-seatbelt sign is turned off.
Christen: (Dressed as originally. Sunglasses on etc.) Woah, there she goes! Nothing like a bit of turbulence to shake things up. (Laughs) Nothing to worry about though.
Molly: (Stares at him confusedly).
Christen: Now, where were we?
Molly: I was going to read my book.
Christen: Oh yes, the book. That one? (Points to book) Is that the one they’ve lumbered you with? The novel.
Molly: (Nods noncommittally).
Christen: That’s the one they’re trying to get you to foist on an unwilling public. (Shakes head ruefully) Hopeless… Let me take a look.
Molly: (Hands him the book) There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s very well written.
Announcer: Would Clayton Merrill please return to his seat. Clayton Merrill. Your mother is at your seat. Please return there. Thank you.
Woman: (Passing. To stewardess) How can he disappear on a plane?
Christen: (Peruses the book for a moment) It lacks suspense. Well-written, but without the gravy you’re still left with a potato. (Hands it back) Well, good luck with it.
Molly: You only just looked at it.
Christen: I have an eye. Besides, what is it they say? The novel is written in every sentence, the whole in the part, the story cannot hide.
Molly: Who said that?
(Pause)
Christen: Derrida.
Molly: (Skeptically) Hm.
Christen: But screw him. Screw them all. What do they know anyway, right?… You’ll be fine. (Laughs).
(Pause)
(Seriously) I want to make you an offer
Woman: (In passing. More upset.) Clayton! Clayton!
Stewardess: He must be hiding somewhere.
Woman: He can’t disappear on a plane! Claaayton!
Molly: What? An offer about what?
Christen: I can see you’re skeptical. Smart move. I respect that.
(Airplane shudders violently. Woman looking for boy falls over.)
Woman: Jesus fucking… (Rights herself).
Stewardess: Sit down, please m’am. We’ll find him.
Woman: (Shouting) Where the fuck is he?
Molly: (Looks out over her chair concernedly).
Christen: Never give anything away.
Molly: (Frustrated) I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Christen: (Disapprovingly) But, always keep emotions in check.
Molly: (Moves to get up) Excuse me.
Christen: (Points to lighted fasten-seatbelt sign).
Molly: Achh. Anyway, you’re not making a lot of sense, frankly. No offence… And (picking up book) I love this book. I think it’s great. Fantastic. Chock full of suspense from start to finish. Brimming over with it.
(Airplane shudders)
Christen: (Takes off glasses) That’s an ill-considered remark.
Stewardess: Here he is.
Woman: Clayton! Where were you?
Molly: (To Stewardess) I’d like to change my seat.
Stewardess: If you could just wait please m’am. We’ve got turbulence.
Christen: (Calmly, neutrally) Opportunity knocks. And it may not knock again. It knocks and says, I’ve got something for you here, something wonderful. And you say, ‘Fuck off, I’m not interested’. You think it’s going to hang around waiting for you to change your mind. But no, it’s going to go straight on to the next door and knock there. It’ll say, ‘Fuck you too then, I’m off. Your loss.’
Molly: (Looks up at the lighted fasten seatbelt sign again). (Sighs) I’ve really got to finish this book. It’s business. (Forced smile. Takes book and begins to read).
Christen: (Puts his glasses back on and turns from her).
Voice: He saw soon after boarding he would be sitting next to a prim little woman with pursed lips. Face already buried in a book. Probably some uptight executive. He’d have some fun with her, he thought, and laughed.
Christen: (Laughs)
Molly: (Puts book down. Picks it up again. Flicks forward through pages. Looks at first line [“How does he go missing on a fucking plane”, the woman shouted and…] Closes book. Puts it down quickly).
Christen: (Looks over) It’s all totally predictable you see. That’s the problem.
Molly: (Lost for words).
Christen: It’s all right. Don’t say anything. No apology necessary. Water under the bridge. (Gestures to book) You don’t need this crap. Dump it.
(Pause)
It doesn’t end well anyway.
Molly: (Insistently) How do you know?
Christen: I told you it’s… it’s written in every bleeding line. According to Derrida…
Molly: (Shouts) Fuck Derrida! How do…
(People look around. A stewardess approaches.)
Molly: (To everyone) Sorry. Everything is fine. (To Christen) This has nothing to do with Derrida. How do you know? Tell me now.
Christen: Wow. Just wow…
Molly: Tell me.
Christen: Molly, I’ve got to say. It’s out of character for you.
Molly: What?
Christen: There’s a whole packet of peanuts there that you haven’t touched. Are you just going to leave them there for the whole flight?
Molly: (Shouts) Fuck the fucking peanuts!
Stewardess: (Approaches quickly). Madam, please. If you don’t like the peanuts, it’s…
Molly: No, no, no, it’s fine. I’m sorry. Really. It’s fine.
Christen: (To Stewardess) They’re fine, really. I ate all mine. (Points to empty packet).
Stewardess: (Moves on quickly).
Molly: (Calmly now) If this is a prank or something, it’s ok. I can take a joke. Just tell me.
Christen: Molly. Do you want to listen to my offer yet?
Molly: (Pause) Yes.
Christen: Condition number one of the offer is this: (points to book) this is gone, forget it. None of it ever happens. (Flicks through pages until last ones) You won’t get involved any further with it.
Molly: What else?
Christen: You help me. With my product. You market. I sell.
Molly: You want help with a marketing campaign. Help you market your product. That’s it?
Christen: That’s all. That’s it. Easy.
Molly: What’s the product?
Christen: (Quietly) I can’t talk about it here. It isn’t safe. (Looks around) I’ll tell you more later. I’ll show it to you. It’ll blow you away.
Molly: I need to know what it is.
Christen. You will.
(Pause)
Molly: (Sigh) Ok. I’ll help you. And whatever you’re doing, please stop doing it. I’ll help you. On this one thing. And that’s it.
Christen: (Points to book) And this one. Out. Ok?
Molly: (Worriedly) Ok… Ok… (Goes to take it).
Christen: (Picks it up and puts it in his bag) I’ll keep it safe for you…
Molly: (Pause) Ok… I… I need to get some sleep.
Christen: Sure. Be my guest.
Molly: (Shuts her eyes).
(Soon after)
Christen: (Leaves seat).
Molly: (Opens eyes. Looks across to boy and mum. Looks up. Sees fasten seat belt sign is off. Gets up and approaches them. Then, to woman). You found him. Thank goodness. What happened?
Woman: (Reticently) He ran off.
Molly: (To boy) Where did you go?
Boy: (Cheekily) I was playing hide and seek, wasn’t I?
Woman: He’s fine. Thanks for your concern
Boy: It was just a game.
Woman: Well, don’t do it again!
Boy: But he said…
Woman: (To Molly) Thanks again for your concern.
Molly: (To Clayton) Who… ?
Woman: (Impatiently) Thank you. (To Clayton) Be quiet and play your game.
Kid: (Sullenly focuses on game).
Molly: (Hears a shaking in her ear).
Christen: (Shaking bag of peanuts) I did tell you not to forget these.
Molly: (Goes back to seat and sits down).
Christen: (Follows and sits next to her. Places peanuts there on her lap).
Molly: (Looks at peanuts).
Christen: Well. Are you just going to leave them there?
Molly: I’m not hungry.
Christen: Not hungry. Not hungry… Not very aware of your commitments, are you? Unpredictable. To put it mildly. To put it charitably. You said you were going to eat the peanuts. You said you always did. You said you’d remember And then this. It doesn’t bode well, does it? It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.
Molly: (Grabs peanuts, rips them open, stuffs all in mouth. Eats. Swallows).
Christen: Well… You must have been ravenous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone eat anything that quickly. No human anyway.
Molly: (Provocatively) I wonder what would happen if I just started screaming. If I started screaming that you were attacking me. I wonder what would happen.
Christen: Do you want to know? Really?
Molly: (Stares at him).
Christen: (Takes her book from his bag. Opens towards the end and reads.)
It was a shock even to him that she reacted that way, but as per his usual demeanor, he remained calm and explained to the arriving stewardesses that the woman was hysterical. They quickly restrained her and…
Molly: Bullshit. Give me that.
Christen: (Holds book away from her).
Molly: Give. Me. The. Book.
Christen: (Shakes head).
Molly: (Shouts and lunges at him) Give me the fucking book.
Christen: (Deftly moves back out of the way).
Molly: (Falls over side of chair still shouting).
Christen: (To approaching air hostess) She’s hysterical. Please help. (Sigh) I told you this might happen.
Air hostess: (Horrified look). Wait. Wait a second.
Molly: No, he’s a fucking psychopath. He’s fucking insane.
(Cabin crew come and restrain Molly. Drag her off to the front of the plane).
Molly: Get off! Get…
Christen: (Approaches another woman book in hand) Whew! Do you mind if I sit here? She… well… (Quietly) Schizophrenia.
Woman: Oh… Sure. Sit down. Schizophrenia…
Christen: Thanks.
Kid: (Approaches. Taps Christen on shoulder) Can we play hide and seek again, Mr?
Christen: Sure, kid. Later.
Kid: (Runs off).
Mother: Clayton!
Christen: (Turns to woman, tapping on book) So, what do you do?
(They begin to chat)
(Fade)